WWE Crown Jewel News: Cody Rhodes Wins Big, First Crown Jewel Champion

Alright, listen up, y’all. Let me tell you about this wrestling thing, this “Crown Jewel” thing they had over in that Saudi place. I ain’t never been there, but my nephew, he watches this stuff all the time. He was yellin’ and hollerin’ at the TV, so I figured I’d sit down and see what all the fuss was about.

So, this Crown Jewel, it seems like a big deal. They had all these fellas fightin’, big strong fellas, like the kind you see liftin’ hay bales, only they wear fancy pants and smack each other around. Real hard. I tell ya, I don’t know how they do it. My back hurts just thinkin’ about it.

Now, there was this one fella, Cody Rhodes, they kept talkin’ about him. Seems like he’s a big shot. He was fightin’ this other big fella, Gunther they called him. Big fella, that Gunther. Looked mean, too. But Cody, he’s tough. They wrestled and wrestled, back and forth, slammin’ and bangin’. My nephew, he was goin’ crazy. “Come on, Cody!” he kept screamin’. And you know what? Cody, he won! He became the first ever “Crown Jewel Champion” for the men. Whatever that means. Sounds fancy, though.

First, Cody Rhodes fought Gunther. Real tough match.
Cody won! He’s the champion now. Big deal, I guess.
Then there was this lady, Liv Morgan. She fought this other lady, Nia Jax. Nia’s a big girl, I tell you what.

But it wasn’t just the fellas, mind you. They had the ladies fightin’ too. This one lady, Liv Morgan, she was real pretty. She was fightin’ this other lady, Nia Jax. Now, Nia, she was a big girl. I mean, BIG. Looked like she could eat Liv for breakfast. But Liv, she was quick and sneaky. She kept dodgin’ and movin’ around, and wouldn’t you know it, she beat Nia! She became the first ever “Crown Jewel Champion” for the women. Good for her, I say. Showed them big girls a thing or two.

So, they got these two champions now, Cody and Liv. They got these fancy belts, shiny and sparkly. My nephew says they’re gonna keep the belts over in Saudi Arabia. Well, that’s nice for them, I guess. More dust collectors, if you ask me. I got enough dust collectors in my house already.

This whole thing, it was somethin’ else. All the lights and the music and the yellin’. Reminded me of a county fair, only with more fightin’. My nephew, he tried to explain all the rules and the storylines, but I couldn’t keep up. Too much talkin’ for me. I just watched the fightin’. That was easy enough to understand. Someone hits someone else, someone falls down. Simple.

I heard they call it a “civil war” between these wrestling groups. “Bloodline” this and “Bloodline 2.0” that. Sounded like a family feud to me. My family has them all the time, but we don’t go around smackin’ each other in fancy pants. We just argue over who gets the last piece of pie. That’s a real fight, let me tell you.

Anyway, Cody beat this Roman Reigns fella, which was apparently a big surprise. My nephew nearly jumped through the roof when that happened. I guess this Roman guy is a big deal, too. Lots of big deals in this wrestling world, seems like.

And the whole thing was in Saudi Arabia. Like I said, never been there. But they seem to like this wrestling stuff. Maybe they grow ’em big and strong over there, too. Who knows?

So, that’s the story of this Crown Jewel thing. Cody and Liv won, they got belts, and my nephew was happy. That’s all that matters, I guess. Me? I’m gonna go make myself a cup of tea. All that fightin’ made me tired.

Now, don’t you be askin’ me no more questions about it. That’s all I know. Go ask that nephew of mine if you want to know more. He’s the one who watches it all the time. Me, I got better things to do, like feedin’ the chickens and makin’ sure the cows don’t get into the garden again. Now, get outta here and let me get back to my business.