Saw folks chatting the other day about coaches and beard dye. Think it was about that Ohio State fella, Ryan Day. Got me thinking about my own little experiment with that stuff a while back.
It wasn’t vanity, not really. Or maybe it was, just a little. Started seeing more salt than pepper in the old beard. My wife, bless her, said she liked it. Said it made me look distinguished. But you know how it is, you catch your reflection sometimes and think, “Who’s that old guy?”
So, one weekend, I decided to give it a try. Snuck off to the drugstore like I was buying something illegal. Grabbed a box – I think it was called “Touch of Grey” or something equally hopeful. Supposed to blend it in, look natural. Hah.
My Big Dye Job Adventure
Got home, waited till everyone was busy. Locked myself in the bathroom. Felt like a secret agent.
Here’s how it went down:
- Pulled out the little comb applicator thingy.
- Mixed the goo. Smelled like a chemistry set gone wrong.
- Tried to carefully comb it through just the grey bits. Key word: tried.
- Ended up getting splotches everywhere. Looked like I’d wrestled a squid.
- Waited the recommended five minutes. Seemed like an eternity. Stared at myself in the mirror. The dye was turning this weird, dark purple color. Panic started setting in.
- Rinsed it out. And rinsed. And rinsed. The water ran brown for ages.
Then the moment of truth. Towel dried. Looked up.
Oh boy. Natural, it was not. The grey was gone, sure. But replaced by this flat, shoe-polish black that didn’t match my hair, my eyebrows, or frankly, reality. It looked painted on. Fake. Like I was wearing a disguise, and a bad one at that.
Walked out of the bathroom. My son took one look and burst out laughing. Asked if I was joining a KISS tribute band. The wife just shook her head, trying not to smile too hard. “Distinguished was better,” she finally managed to say.
It took about two weeks for that stuff to fade enough to look halfway normal again. Two weeks of feeling ridiculous every time I saw myself. Two weeks of wearing lots of hats.
So yeah, when I hear about guys dyeing their beards, I get it. The temptation is there. But for me? Never again. That whole episode taught me something. Those grey hairs? I earned ’em. Every single one. They tell a story, I guess. And trying to cover them up just felt… well, it felt like lying to my own face.
Easier to just be myself, grey beard and all. Less mess, too. And definitely fewer chemicals near my face.
