This here golf, it ain’t as easy as it looks, you know? My boy, he tried to teach me once. Said I wasn’t doing it right. Well, I told him, “I’m hitting that little ball, ain’t I?” But he kept on about my “striker golf.” Says it’s important. I don’t know, sounds like a load of poppycock to me.
Hitting that Ball Just Right
He says you gotta stand a certain way. Feet apart just so. Like you’re about to sit on a stool but then you don’t. And your knees, gotta bend them a little. Not too much, mind you, or you’ll topple right over. I swear, it’s like doing a dance, this striker golf thing. And holding that club! He says there’s a right way and a wrong way. Well, I held it like I hold my broom, and he about had a fit. Said I needed to loosen up. Like I was holding a baby bird, he said. Who holds a baby bird anyway?
Then there’s the swinging. Don’t get me started on the swinging. You gotta twist your whole body, like you’re wringing out a wet rag. But not too fast, or you’ll miss that little ball entirely. And not too slow, or it won’t go nowhere. My boy, he tried to show me, going on about “core muscles.” I told him, “My core is just fine, thank you very much!” But he kept saying I was using my arms too much. Says I need to use my whole body, like I’m chopping wood. I told him, “I used to chop wood just fine with my arms!”
Practice, Practice, Practice!
He keeps telling me to practice. Says “practice makes perfect.” I told him I’ve been practicing living for a good long while now, and I’m still not perfect! But he says it’s different with golf. You gotta hit that little ball over and over again. He says it helps you learn from your mistakes. I say, what’s the point of hitting a ball into a hole anyway? Seems like a waste of time to me.
- Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart.
- Bend your knees a little.
- Hold the club like a baby bird.
- Twist your body when you swing.
- Don’t swing too fast or too slow.
All This Fuss About a Little Ball
He says playing more rounds by yourself is good for you. I asked him, “who am I gonna talk to?” But he says to focus on the golf game, I told him that golf sounds really boring, if you can’t talk to nobody. My boy, he says it’s important to “drive the swing” with your big muscles, not just your arms and hands. He poked my belly and said, “These muscles, mama!” I swatted his hand away. Don’t need no one poking my belly!
Then he says to plant my front foot and “fire my hips forward.” I told him, “My hips ain’t going nowhere, son. They’re staying right here with me!” He just sighed. This striker golf, it’s a lot of work, I tell ya. All this standing and twisting and swinging. And for what? To hit a little ball into a tiny hole. I just don’t get it.
I told my boy, “why don’t we just sit on the porch and have some sweet tea?” That’s a good time in my book. But he says I gotta keep practicing my “ball striking.” He even showed me some “drills.” I swear, it looked like he was doing some kind of fancy dance. He says it’s supposed to make me hit the ball better. I told him, “I hit that ball just fine!”
More Than Just Swinging
He says there’s more to this striker golf than just swinging the club. You gotta think about it, he says. Gotta plan your shots. I told him, “I plan on hitting that ball, that’s my plan!” But he says it’s more complicated than that. You gotta look at where the hole is, and how far away it is, and which way the wind is blowing. Wind! Like that little ball cares about the wind! I swear, he overcomplicates everything.
I told him, “back in my day, we didn’t have all these fancy golf clubs and balls and whatnot. We used sticks and rocks, and we were happy!” He just rolled his eyes. Kids these days, they don’t appreciate the simple things. They need all this fancy equipment and these special “techniques.”
Me, I think the best way to improve your striker golf is to just have fun. Don’t worry about being perfect. Just enjoy being outside, hitting that little ball around. That’s what I told my boy, anyway. He didn’t listen, of course. He’s too busy with his “proper stance” and his “grip” and his “core muscles.” Young folks, always making things more complicated than they need to be.
Anyway, that’s all I got to say about this striker golf. It’s a lot of fuss for nothing if you ask me. But what do I know? I’m just an old lady who likes her sweet tea and her porch swing. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I hear my kettle whistling. Time for a nice, relaxing cup of tea. That’s my kind of perfect, not hitting no little ball around a field.
