Alright, listen up, y’all. I’m gonna tell ya what’s what with this wrestling stuff, this “Raw” thing, ya know? They call it “spoilers,” but I just call it hearin’ things before they happen. Like old Maggie down the road, she always knows who’s gettin’ hitched before they even announce it.
So, tonight, Monday night, they gonna have this “Raw” show. It’s on that USA Network thing, 8 o’clock for most folks, but don’t you worry none if you miss it, they always show it again, or you can find it on that “Peacock” thingy, whatever that is. Sounds like a fancy bird to me.
Now, what’s gonna happen? That’s what you wanna know, right? I heard tell that CM Punk fella, yeah, the one with all the tattoos, he’s gonna start the whole shebang. He’ll be yappin’ and carryin’ on, probably stirrin’ up trouble like he always does. Them wrestlers, they love to jaw at each other, more than my chickens squawk sometimes.
Then there’s this tournament, somethin’ about a title, the “IC” title they call it. Sounds important, like a blue ribbon at the county fair. Three gals are gonna fight for it: Katana Chance, Dakota Kai, and Shayna Baszler. I ain’t never heard of these gals, but they probably scrappy, gotta be to wrestle on TV. I hope they don’t pull each other’s hair too much, that ain’t ladylike.
- CM Punk Opens Raw: This fella, he’s always got somethin’ to say. Probably gonna brag or complain, who knows?
- IC Title Tournament: Katana, Dakota, and Shayna, three gals goin’ at it. May the best gal win, I say.
- Damage CTRL vs. Liv…: And somethin’ about a fight with “Damage CTRL” and some gal named Liv. Sounds like a car crash, that “Damage CTRL” name. Hope nobody gets hurt too bad.
They taped this whole thing last week, over in Michigan, Grand Rapids they said. So, it ain’t exactly live, ya know? It’s like watchin’ a replay of the football game, but you already know who won. Kinda takes the fun out of it, if you ask me. But folks still watch, so I guess it don’t matter much.
They film this wrestlin’ stuff every week, seven hours of it they say! Seven hours! Can you believe that? That’s more time than I spend churnin’ butter and milkin’ Bessie all week. They got a fancy place where they do it, high-definition they call it. Sounds like they can see every sweat drop and wrinkle, probably even my nose hairs if I was on there. Thank goodness I ain’t!
They gonna show this “Raw” thing in all sorts of places. Here in America, of course, but also in Canada, and even over in England and Ireland, and India too. Them folks over there must stay up awful late to watch it, or maybe they get up real early. I don’t know how they do it. I’m in bed by nine, myself.
There’s this fella, KD Drummond, he knows all about this wrestling. He’s been watchin’ it since he was a young’un, apparently. He likes that old-timey wrestling, before all the fancy lights and music. Reminds me of the old barn dances, when folks just got together and had a good time, no fuss, no muss.
And someone named Mr. McMahon, he’s the boss man, I reckon. He gives the orders, and everybody jumps. Sounds like my old man, rest his soul. What he said, went. No arguin’.
So, that’s the lowdown on this “Raw” thing for tonight. CM Punk jawin’, gals fightin’, and a whole bunch of other stuff I can’t quite make heads or tails of. But it’s somethin’ to watch, I guess, if you ain’t got nothin’ better to do. Me? I got laundry to fold.
Anyways, turn on your TV, or that “Peacock” thing, if you wanna see it all go down. Or don’t. Makes no difference to me. I’ll just be over here, knittin’ and mindin’ my own business, same as always.
Tags: [WWE Raw, Spoilers, CM Punk, IC Title Tournament, USA Network, Wrestling]
